2018-05-16 / Editorial

BEING MAMA

Diana Royal

"What's it like being a mom?" Kenzy asked me Sunday evening.

That's a hard one to put into words.

I told her I think it's the closest anyone can ever get to selfless, Godly love. It makes you want to be a better person. It makes you cry for no reason and for every reason. It makes you want to slap someone upside their head if they hurt your child. There is no guard dog like a mama hen. Or bear. Or human. Mamas have that built in instinct to protect their young. But while you're trying to protect them, you're also busy trying not to shelter them. That line is a thin one. I've tried to balance it and hope I've done things the way I should.

Mamas do a lot of second guessing and fretting.

A mom is also forever, no matter where the mother or child may be.

I wince at the thought of one day not being able to call, look at and hug my mama. But goodbyes are a reality, and we have to let go of our own mamas at some point in our lives. It's kind of like that first day of school. The tears are uncontrollable and you don't want to let go because letting Mom out of sight means she might not come back.

I think being the mother, though, hurts even more. I'd be satisfied making my little girl hot pink, heart-shaped pancakes for the rest of my life and holding her hand every time she's scared. But I open my eyes and the Carebears are already gone. She has her own opinions and no longer thinks I know everything. But I still get to love on her, and God gave me another day with her today to rejoice in the blessing that she is.

Some mamas are mothers who carry deep, empty holes in their hearts that no one truly understand unless they have the same scar. It's a club none of us want to be in, but we are joined by the same gut-wrenching experience, some of us having made it through raising children into their own adulthood, some with teens who were swiped away and others who've buried babies we never got to play with. All of us left with one resounding question on our lips.

Why?

I told Kenzy being a mama is about trusting God and knowing that his way is the right way even when it seems all wrong or hurts so bad.

My Tyler would be seven years old today. I learned to let go of the anger I once felt. While I still long to ruffle his bed head, wondering what color his hair would have been or what kind of birthday cake he'd ask for. I know that no amount of distance or time will ever take away the fact that I am his mother. I'll always be his mama.

Being a mom is a privilege and a gift, a job and a marathon of emotions. It's the greatest and hardest thing I've ever done or will do, and it's a special, unique journey with each child we are given, no matter how long we have them.

Being a mother really is like pulling your heart out of your chest and watching it walk around on earth.

God bless all you mothers out there. Even though Mother's Day was last weekend, remember what I said. Being mama is every day, forever.

Return to top